Sensitivity

Today is a day off for Jakarta people. We have our first govenor's election.

Two days ago (monday) my bf told me that he has a plan to meet some friends (S, Yuli and a client) today(wednesday). Yuli is good about knowing shooting area/location. And S will help with transportation. It was an informal meeting about his photo project we (bf and i) planned to do this saturday. He told me that he has a day off on wed (But he forget about the day off of the vote day. All he knew was he got a day off. Btw he's not a Jakarta's citizen) but he thought i had to work so he did not invite me to the meeting. He said sorry and tried to convince me that it is ok for me to join. I was so sad cos he did not include me but it is not me who like to invite myself even it was happened because of a mistake. I will not mess up anybody's plan so i will never invite myself into anybody's plan. So i said no, i will not come.

But this morning i thought it is ok to join because it is an informal meeting. And it is my bf's business and project, so if he said ok then it means ok. Nothing to be doubt about. I told him that i changed my mind and he said that we all will meet at 1pm. I headed to 24 *bucks Sarinah when i got an sms from bf saying that S were there and were leaving soon cos she cannot see us (bf and i) together. She said that it hurt to see us. She also said that she cancelled saturday if i come. He was also surprised to know that thing.
I said : 'what??'

It was a long chat through sms on my way to *bucks. For short he was upset. I was upset. I know she was upset also.

For me, if she that sensitive girl -she cannot see bf and i together- then why did she visited and spent sooo many hours with my bf in his house? She never think that im sensitive too? (please check out my previous post about the visit). If she's that sensitive, why she did that to me? I thought she's a "modern and open" person. If she can open about the visit/spend time things i think she should accept and ready that we(bf and i) are together.

At last i said : "ok, tell her to stay. i will go alone, shopping. your career is more inportant than me"
And I told her : "S, i will not come and i will not go shooting on sat. i hope you're happy with this"

He needs her help for shooting, and i know that his career is urgent. We can meet anytime next time. But also wanted to meet Yuli :(

So i decided to buy Yuli a belated b'day present and then give her cos i dont know when i can see her again. I can called her to get out of for a while so S did not have to see me. Then i went to Sarinah for Yuli's present. I found a sexy black top but i wonder if she like sexy stuff. So i bought a grey stretch t-shirt for Yuli. She's a big girl :) When i handed her the present (in Pizza Hut terrace - cos they're having late lunch when i came) i just realise that she grow bigger than the last time i saw her! Wow, Yuli .. hope the shirt fits to you :) And if you like sexy stuff, i can get it for you tomorrow before it sold out :)

Yea, my bf was in Pizza Hut .. with S and his client. And i was there also .. with by a big clear glass wall between us. I know he tried not to hurt her but there's such pain inside me :( As i leave the resto he sent me sms saying that he missed me, why not come in if you're there?

I cried : If you're there.. why not come out?


Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead